Episode 250: Journey to Self-Compassion
Run time: 23:46
Filed under: Guided Meditations
How being present helps make you slimmer, plus a guided exercise to feel more compassion and kindness towards yourself now, which will help you create the you that you want to become.
Announcer: This program is brought to you by personallifemedia.com.
Renee Stephens: On today's show, how being present helps make you slimmer,
plus a guided exercise to feel more compassion and kindness towards you now
which will help you create the you that you want to be in the future.
Welcome to Inside Out Weight Loss. I'm your host, Renee Stephens, and
together we're accessing and adjusting the control panel of your mind body
spirit system, bringing ease and joy to your weight loss journey and
fullness to the rest of your life.
By the way, this journey isn't about food plans and calorie counts. It is
about learning to love and care for you from the inside out so that it
becomes natural and easy for you to be slim and healthy.
Join me. As a former compulsive overeater I've been where you've been and
I'm here to help you create exactly what you want.
Now, take a moment to become more and more present with you, to drop inside
down deep in your own awareness, being present to your experience to now,
whatever there is. You know, sometimes we resist becoming present, because
we have a fear that being present will be unpleasant.
Perhaps it was unpleasant at some point in the past. Certainly it was. I
mean we've all experienced unpleasant in our lives at some point or other.
Then, the unpleasantness passed as has every other moment in your life, as
a matter of fact, I'd like to point out. They all pass, all of them.
Given that this moment, too, shall pass, maybe it's precious. In a moment
the moment of now will be gone, so now is a precious thing. How about
experiencing it and enjoying it now, seeing what's there in your own body
within your own sensations.
What is there in the now in you? Because the essence of being naturally
slender which, by the way, you can be today immediately, how's that for
fast results, the essence of being naturally slender is being tuned into
your body, being aware of your body's signals of hunger and satiety and all
sorts of other signals your body gives like I'm tired I need more sleep, or
I'm tired I have been running around too much, or I've just run a marathon.
You know how it's like after a marathon, right? You're physically tired.
It's funny, because in Spanish you Spanish speakers will know that there
are two terms for tired in Spanish which are tengo sueno - which means that
I have sleep, I'm sleepy, I want to sleep - and estoy cansada which means
I'm physically tired from running around all day.
That's a great distinction to make in your own life. What kind of tired are
you? Sometimes we assume that we are tired and what we need is a little
sugar pick me up, or a little simple carbs to get us going, or some
caffeine. In fact, what we need is not more fuel but we need sleep. Sleep
is the thing.
All of being naturally slender comes from this foundation of being in touch
with our bodies, sinking down and becoming aware more and more of what the
signals are that our own bodies give to us all the time. The information is
there if only we are to listen and relax, even if it takes you some time to
get into the habit, perhaps back into the habit of listening to your body
because you got out of that habit.
One of the ways that people get out of the habit of listening to their
bodies is by going on a diet, because a diet will tell you what and when to
eat most often. You'll say oh, well, I must trust what the plan says. I'm
following the plan not my body.
For a while there I thought that was the way to go, because I had so little
trust for my body. I thought my God, left to my own devices I'd be 300 or
400 pounds. All I want to do is eat, so I don't trust my body. Plus, I've
done all this bingeing, stuffing, crazy stuff. My body's all messed up.
I've ruined it.
That was my thinking. I have crazy starvation metabolism when I stop eating
and all that stuff. I don't trust it, so I'm going to find an external plan
and I'm going to follow that.
I did all of the calorie counting. I could do it in my head very quickly.
Good for mental arithmetic, by the way, a worthy thing to practice. Really
bad for enjoying your life, but never mind.
My mental arithmetic was really excellent when I was doing that. Maybe
yours is, too. Think of the bonus. Just think, maybe you can calculate a
restaurant tip in your head, at least here in the States where we do that.
We always add on for the tip. Very complicated. Designed to keep us up to
snuff on mental math I'm sure, so no calculators. Come on, guys.
Oh, yes, where were we? We were talking about the value of being present
and how many of us through diets or whatever other reason, sometimes it can
be trauma in extreme circumstances, we get out of touch with our bodies. We
Or, maybe we just want to override, because it's inconvenient that our body
has those needs all the time, gosh darn it. If I could just take a pill and
not eat maybe that would be easier. But, we have these bodies. They like
their food, and they like their water, and they like their sleep and their
exercise, and they have all these needs, so we need to know what they are.
The only way to do that is to sink down. That's right. Just as you are
familiar with doing if you've been listening to this podcast, to become
more and more present in the current moment. I always like to follow my
breath down deep into the bottom of my body's awareness, simply to be awake
and present to whatever is happening.
I don't know how you most like to relax and go present. Perhaps you're a
meditator. I listened to a talk recently by, I think his name was David
Siegel. He's a famous neuropsychiatrist. He was saying that if you take the
word medication and you change the "c" to a "t" you have an extraordinarily
effective treatment. Meditation is in fact, in many cases, or can be more
effective than medication, and it has only good side effects. What you're
practicing here is on the meditation side of things.
I know if you're like me personally, I am all about the future. I am always
floating off into the future, thinking about the future, planning the
future. I used to be worrying about the future. That kept me and keeps me,
when I do, it away from the present.
Other people are really associated with the past, always thinking about
what did happen, what could've happened, what should've happened, all past
focus things. In fact, guilt and regret, they're all about the past, and
anxiety and worry, they're all about the future.
Guess what? In the now, we're free. It's good in the now and that is the
place of naturally slender, tuned into your body, to you.
Speaking about the now, I wanted to talk to you a little bit more about
this whole business of liking and loving yourself now so that you can
change. Because a lot of us have a hard time liking our flabby selves. We
think we're completely unacceptable.
That's designed to motivate us to get better. Unfortunately, it doesn't
work for the long term. It works for the short term, then it gets worse in
the long term. We yo-yo diet. We've been through this before.
The question is how can you feel good about yourself now when you can't
stand the way you look. You catch your reflection in the mirror in the
shopping mall window, whatever it is, and you're like "oh my God who is
that fat person?" It's me. Oh, horrible. How are we supposed to like that?
It's just not nice.
Here's a clarification that has been occurring to me lately, which is that
you don't have to like yourself aesthetically when you're chubby, when
you're fat, in your own mind. You don't have to look at yourself and think
oh, yeah, aesthetically that is the way to go, I love rolls, I love sag,
it's just my version of beauty.
No, you do not need to go there, because that would be a stretch for most
any of us at least because we're the ones unhappy with ourselves. What a
relief, not necessary. How are you going to feel good about yourself now
if, in fact, you really do not like your current appearance? It's bulgy and
saggy and prickly or pokely or cellulitey or whatever it is not good.
Well, the answer is that you look at yourself with compassion so that all
of the weight on you is something that represents to you a journey. You see
that reflection. You think oh, there's a person who has been on a journey,
who has lots of life experience that has led her or him to this moment now,
and I respect that. I respect her for that rich journey. I see a struggle
for her. She's not happy, and I feel compassion towards that. I understand
that she's been doing her best or his best, and it has resulted in all of
what she is or I am today.
Compassion is the answer, kindness. I tell you, the Dalai Lama, he's got it
right. My religion is kindness. Look at yourself with kindness and respect,
because really you don't even... You can look at her, at yourself, at the
chubby you and simply think there is a life full of feeling, there's a life
full of intent and efforts, and it has made the richness of where I am now,
where she or he is now.
Looking at yourself with compassion then allows you to feel good now while
you can still create the you that you want to be. You can visualize that
future you. You can imagine her or his day to day life. You can do all of
that while feeling kindness, respect, and compassion for the you that
There's a whole story, a whole set of circumstances that created where you
are now, some of which maybe weren't even in your control. It doesn't
matter. You can look at yourself with compassion and with kindness.
Now, I want to take you through a little exercise to help you along in
this, because that's what I love to do. But, first, we're going to take our
break. You're listening to Inside Out Weight Loss. This is your host, Renee
Stephens, and we'll be right back.
If you're new to Inside Out Weight Loss I suggest you begin at the
beginning. You'll hear my story in the prologue and learn the key steps to
the program in the early episodes. You'll find a link to the archive at
insideoutweightloss.com. Scroll to the bottom of the page and click
We're back now. Before the break I promised you an exercise, so let's just
get right into it now. I want you to think of someone for whom you feel a
great amount of kindness and compassion, maybe loving feelings towards this
person or being. I often recommend thinking of a child or a pet. Just think
of someone or some being for whom you have a great deal of compassion,
someone for whom you think you feel already the way that you would like to
feel for yourself.
If you don't have the perfect person, no worries, you can start and do this
now and then repeat it later and add to it. Because it only gets better
with more practice.
What I want you to do now is think. I'm just going to say person. Think of
that person. See that person in your mind's eye.
We're going to anchor that feeling, create a physical reminder of that
feeling. A nice place to do that is with your earlobe. Let's just say it's
your left earlobe. If you're left handed you might want to make it be your
right earlobe. You're going to take your hand and you're just going to
squeeze your left earlobe in a moment.
When you feel the compassion, when you see the image of this being for whom
you have great compassion, respect, and feel kindness, even love towards
this being, go ahead when you're feeling that and squeeze your left
earlobe. Not too tight. Just enough so that you feel it, just a little
light squeeze of your left earlobe, and then release.
Good. Take a deep breath. Relax. Think of the feeling of a hug from someone
you love. Okay. Now, again, see this being in front of you for whom you
have these wonderful positive feelings. Take your time here, and just as
you're feeling those wonderful feelings swell, go ahead and give a little
light squeeze to that earlobe again. It feels so good. Then, release.
See something else in your mind's eye, maybe just a big old blank screen
that goes from floor to ceiling, wall to wall, all there in front of you
just blank. Take a nice breath. Relax. That's right. You can think of that
hug again if you'd like, because who wouldn't quite honestly, if you're a
hug liking person. Most of us are, especially if it's from someone that we
like to be hugged by.
Now, one more time, I want you to take a few moments to see in your mind's
eye. Imagine that this being is right here, this person, this pet, this
being that you really love, you feel so much compassion towards, kindness,
respect for their journey, you really get the richness of them and their
experience. As that feeling is at its peak, give that earlobe another
little light squeeze, and release.
Take a deep breath. See a blank screen from floor to ceiling, wall to wall.
Let it all go.
Now, you can do that one more time if you'd like just to add in a little
bit more, and then we can play around with it because that's always so much
fun. Go ahead and look again at this being that you love and feel so much
kindness and compassion towards. The feelings may come back even more
quickly this time as you feel respect and warmth from this person, love.
Just see them in a beautiful light. As those feelings are swelling, another
little squeeze of the left earlobe. It feels so good.
And, release. See that blank screen, floor to ceiling, wall to wall, all
over. Take a nice relaxing moment.
Now you can test it. What you've just done is anchor the feeling in the
gesture of the little squeeze of your earlobe. Go ahead. Now you're going
to just give a squeeze to your earlobe which will bring back those feelings
of compassion and kindness towards this being. Isn't it nice the way those
feelings come back so quickly and easily?
If you would like to increase those feelings even beyond what you felt
before, you can give a little bit more of a squeeze, an extra squeeze, as
if you were pumping up the feeling to exaggerate it, to increase it. Just
try that out for yourself. Practice a little bit, a little pumping up of
the compassion and kindness until it's just so wonderful, so yummy.
Take a moment to do that. You can pause this podcast if you like and
practice on your own, or practice after we finish.
All right, now release your ear, and what I want you to do is get an image
in your mind of yourself in all of your current state that you may or may
not like. It doesn't even matter. If you are happy with yourself now this
is only going to make things better, and if you're not happy with yourself
now this is going to make things better. Either way, it's all good.
See an image of yourself now. It's important that this be an image of you
now, not an image of you at some future state or even the past; now. You
want to have an image of yourself now. As you see yourself, go ahead and
give that left earlobe a little squeeze and feel those feelings of
compassion, maybe even showing you yourself in a new, more positive light.
If you like, you can pump up those feelings of compassion, kindness, and
respect towards yourself even more to the point that you like best. You
could play around with this and see how good it can get. Then, go ahead and
release your earlobe.
You want to do it for discrete amounts of time. You don't want to hold onto
it for too long, because you want to preserve the intensity of the effect
of the anchor.
We've gone through this fairly quickly here today, and you are welcome to
practice more on your own really pumping up those positive feelings. Oh,
you could just sneak a little extra try now as you think of yourself and
fire off those feelings of compassion and kindness towards yourself. It
feels so good.
If you want to build up that anchor so that it becomes stronger and
stronger over time, any time that you have positive feelings of compassion
and kindness you can give your earlobe a little squeeze and that will bring
all of those feelings. It's like it stores them in that gesture so that
whenever you think of yourself you can fire it off, enhancing your feelings
of compassion and kindness towards you.
I hope by now it's self-evident why you would want to do that, because when
you feel good about yourself you want to take excellent care of yourself
and give yourself healthy food, nourishing exercise, plenty of sleep, time
in nature, all of those good things, time boogie to your favorite. Why not
throw that in there?
Alas, that brings us to the end of our show today. Thank you for being
present. Inside Out Weight Loss is produced by Andrew Frame of
bafsoundworks.com. This is your host, Renee Stephens, and you know I am on
a mission to end the weight struggle, enabling you to develop and share
your abundant soul's gifts. Join me as we evolve the world by evolving
ourselves. Take good care.
Recording: Find more great shows like this on personallifemedia.com.
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